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What was I doing? Should I go out with another man even if my husband allowed it? Will Russ call to confirm our date for this weekend? Will it lead to sex? The moistness in my swimsuit bottoms told me the answer. Yes, I knew what I was doing, and yes, I wanted to go out with Russ, and yes, I hoped it would lead to sex. My body was on fire. I jumped into the pool to cool off both sexually and physically. Still I had to be open with my husband and dreaded the conversation I needed to have. After dinner that evening we both were sitting by the pool. I was ready to open up to him. I casually turned to him and said, "Doug, can we talk?" "Sure, we need to clear the air," he said. "I want to apologize for the abrupt way I told you about me having dinner with Russ on Saturday night," I said. "I'm still going out with him, but I wanted to let you know I should have been more sensitive to your feelings." "I see, so you think that's all you need to do is say your sorry and its okay?" Doug. We were seated and got our drinks. I just took in her beauty.“Robbie, if I may start this conversation, this is a dream come true for me. I feel like I’ve been freed of the self inflicted pain I’ve forced on myself since we split up. You were an amazing husband that I took for granted our whole marriage because I was shallow, immature, and self absorbed in my own little world. I’ve grown up, Baby. I don’t know what your plan is for me and us and I don’t care as long as I’m with you and you let me love you the way I should have the first time.”“After the divorce, I looked in the mirror one day and asked, “Who are you?”“In the mirror I saw a 32 year old narcissistic adulteress, divorcee whose belly was swelling with a man’s baby that couldn’t compete with her husband in any way. How pathetic is that. I was the daughter some mothers wish they never had. For sometime after that, even though I knew I was prettier than average, I really thought the best part of me ran down my mom’s leg. I.
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